I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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