If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
