It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Randomize
