apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
