you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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