I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize