She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
