I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
