he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
