he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
