Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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