That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
