Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
