it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize