I accidentally had phone sex last night
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the day after is always just damage control
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize