Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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