Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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