we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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