We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
