Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize