Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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