I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
