Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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