Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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