she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The air was thick with penises
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
