when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
did i just pee glitter
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
