Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
