There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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