is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
