Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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