This girl is more easily done than said...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
