Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize