peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
