I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
