If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
