Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
