Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
