the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
