How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
