I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
soo... how was my night?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
