You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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