I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
