I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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