apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
