I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
