he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
