You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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