Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
