Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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