When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I need moral support for this bender
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
