i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
