ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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