either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
