Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
