wat bout pragnant strippers??
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
