12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize