; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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