Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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