I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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