So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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