please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
