Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Boobs are out for the taking
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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