You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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