omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
