4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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