im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
