it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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