She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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