Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
