Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
