I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
