remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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