Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize