life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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