I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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