Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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