Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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