My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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