I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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