I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
