I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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