I think I won the penis lottery.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Randomize
