I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
