Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
