You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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