feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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