im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
