ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
FUCK WHALES
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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