I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
