lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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