The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize