im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
