She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
