Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
