I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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