you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
