I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
