How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
