is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
