His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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