Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
