He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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